Scattered in Stillwater

So, I was caught pulling an all nighter and given a psyche analysis from my mother this morning. For context I’m a sophomore in college, simply as home for the holidays. And as a lifelong insomniac sleep has always been a struggle for me; but my god finals week has my sleep schedule more messed up than usual! I’m no stranger to staying up all till 12 A.M. but now I’m pushing 4 o’ clock in the morning, asleep till 3 o’ clock in the afternoon. Which let me say first and foremost does feel good! I got caught early in the morning by both my big brother and mother who both happened to be up at before the sun rise this morning. First my brother had to come through my bedroom, since I decided to leave the second door to the jack and jill bathroom that’s connects my hometown bedroom to my 9-year-old brothers’ room. That wasn’t a problem, my older brother only just recently started his blue-collar job, graduating from the late nights of being a teenager. My mother though on the other hand, is a different story, I love my mother death, but she isn’t the most understanding and chill person, even if she tries to claim otherwise. This being the reason that when she caught me in the kitchen at 4:30 am I told her I had woken up early in the morning because my brother had to come through my room. After fact checking with my brother I assume; I never bothered asking. She storms into my room half an hour later demanding an explanation for why I’m didn’t go to sleep and why I lied to her. I let her know that her quick to freak out demeanor was why, to which she unsurprisingly disagreed. She went on a tangent about how staying up all night and sleeping all day was ruining my health; as well as how I wake up every day “mad at the world.” I was furious; I was on the verged of heading back to my apartment in Stillwater. But then it hit me she was right, as much as it kills me to say it; I was mad at the world. I was mad that she had to pay rent for my apartment because I can’t seem to find a job. I was mad because no matter how hard I seemed to try I could not catch up with my coursework. Mad that every man I talked to this semester had disregarded me with a simple “Seen” or “read” receipts. I was mad at my former friends that put in stupid situations. But I was especially furious that a perfect semester had ended with my feeling like a lazy failure. Now I’m going into the spring semester with a little for depth what it like living off campus as a full-time college student and the challenges that come with it. I’ve come to realize now that it’s really a different world.